Why I Hate Self-Help Books
Note to readers: This is a little bit of a deviation from my usual content, but I hope you enjoy it anyway.
I tried to read a self-help book yesterday and was reminded why I’ve never finished one and why I stopped reading them a long time ago.
To illustrate why I hate self-help books I will provide an outline of every self-help book I’ve ever tried to read. For purposes of this outline, my made-up self-help book is about how to overcome a common problem I am calling “Gerbils.”
Title: Healing From Gerbils
Introduction
Here’s a story of Fred (names have been changed), who is struggling with gerbils.
Explains gerbils in excruciating detail, which you’re already familiar with because that’s why you decided to spend your money and/or your time on this book
Explains how gerbils negatively impact your life, which you already know, because…that’s why you decided to spend your money and/or your time on this book
Explains what the rest of the book will do:
In Chapter 1, you will learn A
In Chapter 2, you will learn B
Etc.
Chapter 1
In this chapter, I will tell you about A, but first let me tell you a story about Wilma, who is also struggling with gerbils.
A is important because it will help you learn B, which I will discuss in Chapter 2, and will lay the foundations for Chapters 3-1000.
A has three parts, which I will now explain briefly.
A, part 1, in detail
A, part 2, in detail
A, part 3, in detail
Summary of A parts 1-3
Chapter 2
[same as Chapter 1, but about B]
Chapter 3
[I never get this far, but I assume it’s the same as Chapters 1 and 2, but about C.]
Etc.
Conclusion
[I have never, ever gotten here, but I assume it’s like the Introduction but in reverse.]
— end of outline —
If I’m trying to solve an issue that’s bothering me so much I’ve decided to read a book about it, can’t we just cut to the chase? Give me the bullet points! I don’t want the fluff! It’s like a recipe blog, but worse. (If you don’t know what I’m talking about, check out any recipe blog on the internet. You will see at least 25 paragraphs of backstory before you get to the actual recipe. Which may be necessary for ad revenue, and may be interesting to the author’s closest friends and family members but not to a random stranger on the internet who is ready to make dinner or, even more urgently, dessert.)
Now that I know I have ADHD, I am wondering if this is just an ADHD issue or a common problem even among neurotypical people. Do neurotypical people read self-help books? I’d love to know what you think.
And here’s what I spent the last 20 minutes doing, and it was worth every minute. A much better use of my time than actually reading a self-help book.
If you’re having a hard day today, well, at least you don’t have to heal from gerbils. Probably?